


Heal for Her

by YikesKrispy



Category: She-Ra and the Princesses of Power (2018)
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/F, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Multi, She-Ra and the Princesses of Power (2018) Season 5 Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-31
Updated: 2020-08-01
Packaged: 2021-03-05 19:15:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,789
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25620442
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/YikesKrispy/pseuds/YikesKrispy
Summary: The war is over and they’re finally together but it’s not quite happily ever after yet. Catra has alot of hurt to undo and alot of amends to make. The weight of the world off her shoulders Adora is finally crumbling. Catra needs to pull herself together to keep her promise and help Adora realize she deserves love too.
Relationships: Adora/Catra (She-Ra), Bow/Glimmer (She-Ra), Catra & Melog (She-Ra), Catra/Scorpia (She-Ra), Perfuma/Scorpia (She-Ra)
Comments: 4
Kudos: 79





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Chapter 1 
> 
> Giving up isn't an option for Catra. Not now that she can finally see how much Adora needs her.

Catra woke up gasping for air pulling herself out of flashes of anger, darkness, and disintegrating woods. She gasped filled with terror and regret ready to fight ready to run. Then her eyes adjusted to the dull red light illuminating Adora’s sleeping face, Catra’s breathing slowed as she took it all in, and the light on Adora’s face shifted from red to a pale blue. Adora hadn’t stirred her face relaxed, she looked just like she did in Catra’s first memories of her small, soft, somehow the human embodiment of safety and home. 

Catra shifted her gaze to the source of the light, Melog, large eyes staring at her from the end of Adora’s bed, their bed, the same spot Catra used to sleep before it was safe to be where she really wanted to be, where she was now. She met his large knowing eyes and held his gaze as she controlled her breathing. He was blue, she was calm now it was safe. Wake her. Came Melog’s voice from inside her own head like her own thoughts, but softer, deeper, more certain. “No,” Catra replied out loud “she should get to sleep.” She would want to talk. “I’m not ready, not yet.” Catra admitted. Melog replied in her head again this time silently with a feeling of understanding that somehow came from him and within her. 

It had been terrifying at first this new voice in her head so soon after Prime’s chip his voice forced into her and out of her but Melog was different. His voice in her head came from her, a part of her long-buried beneath rage and fear, caught in the haze of Shadow Weaver’s manipulations and her own terrible choices. But it had always been there it was the part that promised Adora she would always take care of her, the part that always knew what Shadow Weaver was doing to them was wrong, the part that made the one good choice that saved her. Together they slipped out of bed careful not to wake Adora.

They sat on the floor keeping their eyes locked controlling Catra’s breathing as they weighed her options. Can’t run again, Adora needs her. Can’t go back to sleep. Her body feels too electric, the threat of dreams too great. A walk. It seemed a fair compromise between doing the wrong thing and doing nothing. Silent and invisible they exited the room to roam the halls. 

Only a few paces down the hall Catra was confronted by her the subject of her nightmares, the pain she had caused in the shape of a mural. The figure of a tall woman with wings behind a man holding Sparkles staff. The Queen of Brightmoon, her death had been an afterthought a strategic advantage. She had been consumed by her betrayal of Entrapta, the vision of herself if she had received just a little more kindness and herself as she was dark, broken, hateful, deaf to Adora’s plea to just go with her. A leader she had hardly seen had seemed small compared to that. What was a leader in the Horde? Cruel and manipulative like Shadow Weaver, Hordack, and Catra herself. But this wasn’t the Horde she had been the Queen and Sparkles the princess, not by some accident she was her mother. A mother that meant something here and so did losing one. Taking one, Catra had taken her and she hardly noticed. 

Melog nudged Catra they had to keep moving another moment and they would both explode in red fury and anguish. “Why me?” She hadn’t said it out loud but the thought had been so clear she knew he’d heard so she continued “Why bond to me? Make my pain yours? Adora, Sparkles, Bow, all would have been better options. Cause I saw you first?” Both invisible she couldn’t see his eyes but she could feel them. Seeing all of her. Healing. “I don’t deserve it.” Catra whispered. We all need it. He replied his voice clear and steady echoing in her head off all the pain she had ever felt and at the same time through his desolated planet where they had found him scared and alone. 

“All” she repeated to herself. She saw Adora wounded and defeated dying in her arms ready to let go and she saw Adora coming back shining and beautiful staying to love Catra. She had to heal, there was no other way to protect Adora than to make herself whole. She could do it, she was already so much better than she had been when Adora saved her, came back for her.

Healing herself she was able to help Adora, keep her promise. Finally able to see the ways Shadow Weaver hurt Adora too that they had both been blind to for so long distracted by Catra’s anguish, just like Shadow Weaver wanted. Adora was alive her body restored, her power greater than it had ever been but she wasn’t healed, not yet. Catra owed her that. To be there for Adora to keep her promise, it was all Catra had ever wanted, she could finally see it now. So she only had one option, to stay, to try to make amends, so she could be the woman Adora needed. 

Lost in thought the had wandered to a part of the castle she hadn’t seen yet. She’d been so careful to stay near Adora only go where they’d been before. It was still so uncomfortable to be somewhere she had been so set on attacking. Somewhere she’d only been to in a tank. It felt transgressive and not in the fun way that ticked off Shadow Weaver. “Do you know the way back?” Melog replied out loud with a soft mew. “Well, Fuck.” A tactical error. She would have to start a systematic search find Adora she could do that plenty of practice. She proceeded to the outermost point maybe if she could get outside she could find their window and climb up. The most direct route and she wouldn’t have to walk past the mural again. 

Ready for the safety of Adora and their room Catra set off with Melog in a run towards what she was pretty sure was a way out. Running on all fours she felt free, both still invisible she took a swat and Melog tail and hit it laughing. She didn’t want to wake Adora up to talk but maybe some drills or some friendly sparring. They didn’t need the excuse anymore they could touch however they wanted whenever they wanted but it was still thrilling the way it had been when they were Cadets. Starting sometime in their adolescence that had been a tug Catra felt when Adora grabbed her or pinned her, she hadn’t understood it then, she did now, and being able to do something about it was exhilarating. 

Catra was snapped out of her reverie by a sudden hud, then a crash, a scream, and a shower of hot liquid. Catra hissed and slid reflexively into a defensive stance. Before she could pounce or even process what had happened she was swept off her feet into a familiar embrace.

“Catra! I am so sorry I don’t know what happened! I am so clumsy look at you! I got cocoa all over you! That’s going to stain! And Glimmers mug! Oh no, I am so sorry!” An old reflex wanted to fight her way out of the embrace to scream at Scorpia but she didn’t she took a beat and saw the glow of Melog’s mane fade back to blue. “Don’t be sorry I was invisible and ran into you! Can you please put me down.” 

Scorpia acquiesced placing Catra down gently and then forcefully began trying to beat the coco off of Catra’s pajamas with her pincers. “I am so sorry!” Scorpia repeated in her warm booming voice that seemed to fill the whole castle. “Really, Scorpia I ran into you! I’m sorry I spilled your drink!” Catra yelled a little too forcefully Scorpia stopped beating her and looked bemused. This was different Catra thought to apologize to Scorpia, she owed her so many. 

Scorpia turned to the mug and crouched down trying to pick up the delicate shards in with her indelicate pincers and only succeeding in making more shards. “Scorpia stop!” Catra called a little to commandingly. Scorpia followed her orders reflexively and a look of fear leftover from the Horde flashed across her face gutting Catra. Catra knelt down and started picking up the pieced. “I mean, I broke it I should pick it up,” Catra said more gently. Scorpia beamed at her radiating warmth Catra didn’t deserve. Perfuma was right Scorpia had a pure light that no one could touch.

“Thanks, Wild Cat! C’mon, I’ll make us some more, like that time in the Northern Reach!” Scorpia said as if that was something that happened on a fun vacation and not on a mission to get tech Catra eventually used to nearly destroy reality. Catra bit her tongue and followed Scorpia. 

She’d always seen Scorpia’s chipper attitude in the Horde as naivety at best and idiocy at worst but Catra knew now she had been wrong. Look at Scorpia, a bright light of kindness. Hadn’t she grown up in the Horde too with all the same lies? They stole her kingdom, her family her power, left her with nothing, told her she was nothing, and she came up alone no Adora to protect her. Still, they hadn’t broken her. In the Horde, Scorpia’s warmth and kindness were more of a rebellion than Catra’s insolence had ever been. Catra always thought she was the one beating the Horde and defying their upbringing by grabbing power for herself giving orders, she had been so wrong. 

In the kitchen, Scorpia graciously shoved Catra down at the table and went about making cocoa. Catra wasn’t familiar with a real kitchen but she was pretty sure whatever Scorpia was doing could be achieved with at least half the mess and half the noise. Catra grinned at her a ray of sunshine and an accidental agent of chaos. Catra mustered her courage and asked, “How did you do it?” Scorpia called back from the over boiling pot “Oh it’s easy! You boil the milk, break up the chocolate, and mix it in!” That was not what Catra meant and Scorpia was not making it look easy. “No, I mean how’d you make it out?” She instantly felt like she had made a mistake. Scorpia turned to her face, fallen, serious. Scorpia left the pot and walked over to the table solum and nervous. Catra felt so guilty she had no right to ask Scorpia anything. 

After an awkward silence, Scorpia started “ I just walked out. I always thought it would be hard or someone would stop me but we just walked out, me and Emily. I am so sorry Catra. You weren’t doing well. I didn’t know how to help you. It all made sense when I got here and Shadow Weaver was at Brightmoon. Then I left it must have done a real number on you.” Catra was stunned by Scorpia’s words and even more so by her own actions, without thinking Catra launched her self at Scorpia and for the first time in her life initiated a hug with someone who was not Adora. Scorpia wrapped her in a crushing hug as Catra wept into her strong chest. She was dumbfounded she’d been so sure she was alone after Adora left. Hadn’t Shadow Weaver made sure she knew no one could ever love her? She only allowed her to be close to Adora so she could use their bond to manipulate them. She’d been loved in the Horde and she’d hurt those people just like Shadow Weaver raised her to, Adora, Scorpia, Entrapta, hell even Lonnie, Kyle, and Rogelio. Catra let Scorpia hold the hug till she released her on her own, another first. 

“Scorpia, you did the right thing. I’m glad you got out. There was nothing you could have done to help me. I’m so sorry Scorpia you were always a good friend to me and I was so shitty to you.” At that Scorpia started balling too. Catra was shocked it had taken her this long to get going. “Wild Cat!” Scorpia sobbed pulling Catra into an even more crushing hug. Catra was overwhelmed ready to wait out another crushing hug until she smelled smoke. The cocoa was on fire. Scorpia hadn’t noticed and her hugs were inescapable as ever. Catra finally broke free gasping for air. 

“Scorpia we can’t burn down the castle!!!” Catra shouted, scrambling to the stove and smothering the fire with a pot lid. Catra and Scorpia looked at each other wide-eyed and both fell into fits of laughter. “Catra,” Scorpia gasped between booming laughs, “putting out a fire at Brightmoon! That is not something I thought I would ever see!” At that Catra dissolved, even more, the ridiculousness of it all, putting out a stovetop fire in her former enemies kitchen, ever being enemies at all, it was all hilarious.

Scorpia pulled herself together first. “Okay let’s give this one more try.” She set about making yet another mess and another pot of cocoa. Catra sat on the floor behind Scorpia where she’d fallen laughing and leaned on Melog. Feeling lighter she could do this sure it wasn’t all as simple as this but she was making progress. “We’re having our first meeting tomorrow about me taking back the Scorpion Kingdom… the Freight Zone.” Scorpia said quietly, not turning from the pot this time. “Can you imagine it? Me? Ruling the Fright Zone?” Scorpia trailed off self continuously. “Yeah,” replied Catra “I really can.” Scorpia beamed back at her. “Yeah, all the Princesses say they’re gonna help. Perfuma’s been running her Kingdom for a while and she really thinks I can do it so maybe… I dunno, I can. She’s so nice she said she’ll come with me when we’re ready to start setting it up. Everyone is so nice here.”

Catra broke out into another fit of laughter. Scorpia looked over her shoulder puzzled. “Perfumas the flower one right?” Catra asked holding back tears of laughter. “Yeah,” Scorpia replied, “I know it's crazy someone like that would take time from her Kingdom right after the war to help me.” Catra swallowed her laughter, “Scorpia she’s not just being nice she wants to spend time with you.” “Yeah, she’s really nice…” Scorpia interrupted “NO! Like she wants to spend time with you like how Adora and I spend time…” Scorpia turned around blushing. “What?! No! Perfuma? Me!? Scorpia?!” Catra laughed and wound up to really spell it out for Scorpia, the Horde, Catra included had done a number on her self-esteem, no one got out unscathed. Catra’s thoughts were interrupted by a faint but familiar sound in the distance. Her mood immediately shifted and she was running out the door of the kitchen and down the hall before Scorpia could even call after her.

“Catra!” There was real terror in Adora’s voice as she called her name. In a whispering yell that was at once desperate and considerate of the sleeping people in the castle. “Adora?!” Catra called at full volume. Adora ran around the corner launching herself into Catra’s arms. Catra squeezed Adora tightly and met Adora’s forehead with her own. “It’s okay, Adora. I’m right here, you're safe.” Adora blushed, Catra could see she was suddenly self conscious. Adora broke into a dopey grin in an attempt to hide her vulnerability that Catra saw right throught. “Ha! I know I just wondered…” Catra cut her off saving her from making some thin excuse. “Me’n Scorpia are having hot cocoa.” Adora’s eyes lit up at the mention of food. “C’mon I need you to tell her that flower princess wouldn’t shut up about her when she was chipped. Scorpia doesnt believe me that she has a crush on her.” Adora laughed, taking Catra’s hand and walking with her down the hall. “Really?! Perfuma wouldn’t stop talking about Scorpia the whole time! She barely mentioned Mermista and they’ve known each other forever!” Catra smiled at Adora softly, grateful to see her relaxed. 

Catra followed Adora more certain now than she was before she had to heal, for Adora it was the only option.


	2. No Intimacy in the Horde

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shadow Weaver is gone, the war is over, they're safe. But Adora doesn't feel safe. Shadows of her past creep up to find her as she's haunted by memories of the Horde.

Adora woke up early from a fitful sleep. The tension and anxiety melting away when she saw Catra’s sleeping face inches from her own. She reached up and stroked Catra’s soft cheek, that was something she could do now. Just reach out and touch her, it was magical. She could lay here all day, content, touching, but she didn’t. That nagging drive that fueled her had her up and out of bed, quietly, always careful not to burden someone else. 

She tied up her hair and got dressed in the long-sleeved shirt and pants she had the Brightmoon tailors make just like the one she had in the Horde, without the offensive insignia, comfortably familiar. Maybe she’d get something new with Catra here; she didn’t need the familiarity of her old clothes quite as much. That dress from her dream, the beautiful one, had been so nice. She mused as she did drop squats. Had it been a dream? Her dying brian firing wildly creating a beautiful vision to keep her there long enough for Catra to reach out, make her stay, or something else a real moment in pulled to her when she needed it? She hoped it was the latter, that one day everything would be so easy, it wasn’t yet. A jolt of anxiety hit into Adora as she dropped down into push ups. It had felt so complete when she beat Prime, like things would be simpler, war over, Catra with her. It was, wasn’t it? Adora didn’t feel simpler, she had seen more than a beautiful vision at the heart she had felt herself give up and almost slipped away. If Mara hadn’t come to her, if Catra hadn’t stayed with her, reached out to her, loved her, would she still be here? Would anything?

“Hey Adora,” Catra’s voice pulled Adora back to reality. Adora looked up Catra was inches from her doing push-ups in time with her. How long had she been there? 

“I can’t believe you still do morning drills!” Catra mocked even as she joined in. Adora grinned “You don’t?” Catra laughed again. “Of course not! I stopped the day Hordack made me Force Captain. Drills are for Kyle.” Adora chuckled and gave Catra a cocky look as they sat up in unison positioned themselves toe to toe for crunches. “Aren’t you worried about slipping?” Adora nettled her as they kept perfect rhythm just to catch glimpses of each other over their knees. “Oh I never slip.” retorted Catra as Adora caught a glimpse of Catra giving her a look that radiated warmth throughout her body. “Finish strong?” Adora asked Catra as cocking her eyebrow as they sat back up face to face. Catra grinned mischievously and she hopped up and assumed a sparring stance. “Pin me, princess.” Catra purred. 

They bounced around the room swatting and grabbing at each other. At that moment Adora felt victorious. After everything they’d been through, the manipulation, anger, and longing, after dying in each other’s arms, they had reclaimed each other. Here they were after it all kid and kitten frolicking in their own world as it had been in the brief glorious moments of joy in their childhood they had stolen for each other. Adora caught Catra’s arm and Catra let Adora pin her to the bed. “I win” Adora giggled as she leaned down to kiss Catra furiously. She felt even more victorious as they kissed, Catra’s hands up the back of Adora’s shirt pulling her in. For a few glorious moments, Adora’s mind was empty, her body tingly and warm. She pulled back a second to gasp for breath, they were not as graceful or skilled at this as they were at fighting, they were clumsy, hungry, and Adora had forgotten to breathe.

Catra giggled musically sounding freer than Adora had ever heard her until Adora opened her mouth. “If Shadow Weaver could see us now.” She instantly knew it had been the last thing she should have said. Catra’s whole body tensed and her laughter cut out immediately. Just like that, all the warmth was gone from Adora’s body she rolled off Catra onto the bed sliding a safe distance away. “I don’t know why I said that…” Adora whispered. They lay frozen until Catra reached out and took Adora’s hand without looking at her. “She’s gone, she can’t hurt us anymore,” Catra said in a wavering voice as she squeezed Adora’s hand. Adora wished it was true. She knew it wasn’t. 

They lay frozen until Adora couldn’t take it anymore. She burst up and rushed out the door babbling excuses about meetings and promises to see Catra later. She did have things to do responsibilities. Always responsibilities, she couldn’t face any of them now. She slid into the study the first empty room she could find and slid down in the farthest corner. 

Adora wept tears that had been stuck in her chest since she took the fail-safe at Shadow Weaver’s order, over Catra’s protests. The face she’d never seen outside of the mask before, Catra’s cries, and a flash of fire. You’re Welcome. For what? Pain, manipulation, and lies. Adora had been so blind for so long. Shadow Weaver ruined people and Adora felt ruined. Intimacy, she thought she had learned to accept it. She could cling to Bow and Glimmer so easily. Hug and touch like it was the most natural thing in the world. But the thrill with Catra was so much more. She’d felt that kind of thrill before in passing moments with Glimmer but it seemed so safe. It wasn’t going anywhere her heart had always been somewhere else. This felt dangerous; it had been dangerous for so long.

They had been young, maybe 12 or 13, hard to say no birthdays in the Horde. Rogelio and Kyle bounced into the locker room giddy and giggling. Kyle told them breathlessly of what they had seen. Two older cadets touching their mouths together touching each other all over. Catra and Lonnie erupted in a chorus of shut up Kyle as Adora giggled. “Kyle you make up the stupidest shit,” Lonnie said exasperated. Rogelio roared in protest as he took Kyle’s small acne covered face in his large scaly hands and pulled him in Kyle met Rogelio’s long lipless mouth with pursed lips and made a smacking noise as they touch. With that, all three of the girls dissolved into hysterical laughter.

“Guys!” Shouted Kyle, his voice cracking. “It’s easier to see if both people have lips! Help me, Adora.” Adora snorted but she was intrigued, what was this mouth touching thing? Why hadn’t they seen it before? “Ok, Ky…” Before Adora could agree Catra’s hand was smacked firmly against her mouth. “No Kyle you are not touching Adora with your gross mouth!” Adora attempted to protest but Catra held firm.

Rogelio let out a succession of emphatic roars, grabbed Lonnie and Kyle’s heads, and turned them towards each other. “Ugh, Rogelio! How did Kyle suck you into this?” Protested Lonnie before relenting. “Okay fine! To shut you two up!” Kyle modeled a stupid duckface and Lonnie mirrored him rolling her eyes and allowed him to touch his lips to hers. After a second Lonnie pushed his face away. “Why would anyone want to do that?!” Complained Lonnie as Catra laughed hand still firmly over Adora’s mouth. Kyle blushed and Rogelio groaned, putting his palm on his face. 

Rogelio gently tilted up Kyle’s chin and touched their mouths together again this time Kyle didn’t make a smacking noise just moved his lips slightly and they lingered. Catra’s hand slipped from Adora’s mouth and Adora knew she was transfixed too. There was something to this whatever it was.

“Cadets!” Barked their training officer who had appeared in the doorway prompting them all to snap to attention blushing furiously. “Stop goofing off! You’re late for weapons training!” He turned to go without another reprimand but they stayed frozen. That was a near miss, new things didn’t happen in the Horde. New was dangerous but they had all escaped without punishment. What was this? With that, they sprung into action Adora racing Catra down the hall. 

The idea didn’t leave Adora’s head all day. What was it for? Was it allowed? She had to try but not with Kyle. 

“Sleepover tonight!” Adora whispered loudly to Catra at dinner. “Okay” replied through a mouth full of ration bar. “I have a great idea to mess with Kyle…” Adora interjected, “No I already have something else in mind!” Catra rolled her eyes “Whatever weirdo.” They chatted like usual and raced to the bunk room when dinner got out. 

The bunk room was wide open. A sleepover night wasn’t much different than any night Adora and Catra were never more than a few feet apart. But a sleepover night felt different. Adora clambered up into Catra’s bunk and they sat knees touching any farther apart and the blanket they draped over their heads wouldn’t cover them up, they were so much taller than they had been when they first invented the sleepover fort. It was the most privacy they ever had sitting together under the blanket that was so thin enough light steamed in they could still see each other’s faces.

“So what’s your big plan?” Asked Catra, a little too loudly for Adora’s liking. “I dunno,” Said Adora, suddenly nervous. “We should wait until the lights out.” Catra eyed her with a mixture of suspicion and mischief. They whispered, rambling on about nothing till the bunk quieted down and the main lights went off. 

Adora took a deep breath redding herself. “I think we should try the mouth touching thing.” She whispered with as much bravado as she could muster. “What?!” Catra whispered back sharply. Adora made two little beaks with her hands and held them up tapping them into each other like Kyle and Rogelio. Catra pulled Adora’s hands.

“I know what you mean! I’m not touching Kyle’s mouth!” Adora grabbed Catra’s hand feeling her face flush. “No, I mean with each other.” Adora could see Catra flush as they stared at each other with wide eyes. “What if Shadow Weaver finds out.” Whispered Catra softer than before. Adora squeezed her hand, “She won’t! We don’t even know if it’s against the rules. Rogelio and Kyle didn’t get in trouble!” Catra bit her lip thoughtfully. “We don’t have to if you don’t want to.” Said Adora panic rising, she hadn’t thought about what she would do if Catra said no. 

“I want to.” Catra replied and Adora’s heart leaped. “Oh, ah, haha,” Adora didn’t know what to do next. She leaned forward and Catra grabbed Adora’s face and shoved her lips into Adora’s knocking their teeth together. “Ouch.” Yelled Adora shocked then she laughed. “I don’t think that was right.” Catra slapped her hard on the leg. “Fine Adora, you do better!” 

Adora fixed her eyes on Catra, she was going to do it right. Adora held Catra’s chin gently like Rogelio did the time it didn’t look ridiculous. Adora closed her eyes and puckered her lips a little as she brought them to Catra moving her lips a little when they met. She felt a jolt go through her as Catra moved her lips softly against Adora’s. They separated and Adora could see Catra felt something too. 

“Wow,” Adora mused stunned. “Don’t ruin it.” giggled Catra softly. “I don’t think Kyle was doing it right.” Adora beamed. Catra leaned in and they kissed again. Adora’s whole body tingled as they held this one longer. They came apart, Adora was tingling and baffled. They stared at each other, both flushed. “Now what?” Asked Catra. “I don’t know.” Replied Adora “Go to bed?” They lay next to each other in Catra’s bunk. Neither of them asleep both buzzing. 

“Adora,” whispered Catra after a long silence. “Yeah,” Adora replied heart pounding.  
“I don’t think it’s allowed.” Adora rolled over to face Catra meeting her glowing eyes. “It didn’t feel wrong, did it?” Adora asked. Catra looked away, “It felt… nice. We’re not supposed to have nice.” Adora’s heart lept, nice! “We have plenty of nice things Catra!” Adora insisted, “We just got new uniforms and shock batons! We even got the grey kind of ration bar tonight!” Adora replied imploringly. Catra brought her eyes to meet Adora’s “I guess.” Adora reached out and grabbed Catra’s hand. Together they drifted off. 

The next day Adora was still buzzing. Her stomach fluttering every time she caught Catra’s eye. They bounced through drills and combat training. For the first time, Adora wasn’t the first to have her hand up in strategy class. There were so few diversions in the Horde, especially for Adora. Having one was intoxicating. Catra was as always hiding behind bravado and snide remarks but Adora could see a flush rise in her cheeks when Adora caught her after a race through the hall. 

Breathless and overwhelmed by emotion, Adora looked around, they were alone. Adora grabbed Catra’s shoulders and kissed her on the lips in the middle of the hall. They came apart and a grin broke out over Catra’s face. “We’re in the middle of the hall, dummy.” Before Adora could brush off her fears everything went dark. The world around them was enveloped in swirling shadows. Ice flowed through her veins. Then a shock went through her and she was frozen suspended above the floor by painful red electricity. She looked over at Catra who was frozen next to her. 

“Adora…” Came a terrifying smooth voice, “So this is what has been distracting you. Tsk tsk.” Adora tried to protest but she was frozen. “Catra, is nothing beneath you? Adora has so much promise and you are so set on derailing her. What she wants with someone as insolent and unmotivated with you I’ve never known. Perhaps the time has come to dispose of you.” With that the sparks around Catra erupted and she began to thrash in pain. Adora tried to scream, tried to tell Shadow Weaver it was all her fault but she was frozen. Tears streamed down Adora’s frozen face. “I suppose we may still have use for you yet.” Shadow Weaver said as she dropped Catra who was gasping for breath. 

Catra picked herself up onto all fours and dashed into the darkness. Shadow Weaver let Adora down once Catra was out of sight. Adora tried to protest but she was still gasping for air. Shadow Weaver bent down and lifted Adora’s chin with her finger. 

“Adora, you have far too much responsibility to be distracted with such childish diversions.” Adora gulped nodding. The rest of the day Adora went through the motions tears running down her cheeks. Catra was nowhere to be seen and Adora was too scared to look for her. She had been so stupid. Catra was right of course it wasn’t allowed. Atleast not for Adora, she had too much responsibility. She couldn’t indulge in diversions like Rogelio or Kyle. She was supposed to protect Catra hadn’t that been her promise? Instead she got her in trouble. In the bunkroom Adora buried her head under her pillow and wept into her mattress. Late, she heard the familiar pad of shoeless feet. She couldn’t bring herself to look up and see Catra. Adora just listed and Catra hopped nibly into her bunk and also cried herself to sleep. 

It had been days before they could bear to talk to eachother again. Months before it felt safe to touch even in combat practice. A year maybe before Catra got up the courage to climb into the end of Adora’s bed. Some things had never been the same nudity which hadn’t seemed strange between the Cadets before suddenly felt large to Adora. The communal showers weren’t safe. Adora was careful to keep her eyes away from Catra lest she feel a dangerous and distracting thrill. Even Lonnie wasn’t safe. Carefully Adora would train her eyes on the shower walls or Kyle’s acne ridden back. They had never been able to sleep next to eachother again, not till the ship, safe far from the Horde, the pain of almost losing Catra, Adora’s need to be close to her to protect her larger than the memory. 

The memory cut through Adora like a knife. She wept harder into her knees. She had been so naive not to realize the Horde was evil. No wonder Catra had been so mad when Adora left, she’d been abused everyday and Adora hadn’t noticed the Horde was evil till she saw them hurt other people. 

“Adora…” The voice cut through Adora’s selfloathing just enough to pull her head up. Spinerella was crouched infront of her with searching eyes and a soft smile. “Are you okay?” Adora was not okay but she pulled her face into a smile even with her tear streaked face. “Yeah I’m fine!” Spinerella gave her a soft searching look and replied gently “You don’t look okay.”   
Adora paused and then replied carefully “Spinerella you have a… wife?” Spinerella’s smile widened. “Yes,” she replied “that and spinning are my whole deal.” Adora looked to the side choosing her words carefully, reminding herself Shadow Weaver was gone. “You kiss her, infront of other people like it’s no big deal?” Spinerella cocked her head and raised her eyebrow “Yeah it’s not a big deal...but it was in the Horde?”   
Adora nodded without turning to look at her. “Atleast it was… for me.” Adora admitted carefully. Spinerella placed her hand softly onto Adora’s arm. “Adora, I am so sorry. We didn’t know the Horde had kids. I hope if we had we could have been braver, done something about it. You, Catra, Scorpia, you didn’t deserve any of the things that happened to you there.” Adora brought her eyes to Spinerella. She had never thought about it like that. That it could have happened anyother way.   
Spinerella shifted herself next to Adora and wrapped her arm around Adora’s shoulders. “Well Adora, love is safe here, especially for you. Netossa and I are here if you have any questions.” Adora relaxed slightly. She was safe here she always had been. But it was so hard to feel it.


End file.
